Me!

This is where I went...

Hi everyone! Today's post is going to be a little different. Usually I would post some poems or my photography. But I have been recommended that typing this out will help me.

I'm about to tell you a little bit about me.

When I was young, like maybe around 6 years old, I was being bullied. It started with kids in my school running away from me every time I approached them. I would try to make friends, but the kids would ask why I was near them.

I was slowly becoming depressed.

 In middle school, it was still the same. Kids stuck notes on my back, one boy called me ugly in front of the entire class, and I was beginning to lose all hope.

This was when I started to self harm.

Cutting up my arms and legs made me forget for a while. But once I was scarred up, the pain of being alone returned. And that was the terrible part; I was terrified of being alone. 

High school was even worse. People started spreading rumors about me and the bullying never stopped. I ended up having to be home schooled.

While being home schooled, I got a boyfriend. However, he lied about a lot of things. He was kind when I first met him, but after we were together, he became angry. He verbally abused me.

He would call me names and he even tried to force himself on me. I broke up with him, but that just made him even more angrier. He spread rumors about me saying that he slept with me and I was willing to give myself to anybody.

All these years, to help me get through all of this was books.

 Reading was my only escape. I'm pretty sure you can tell how much by visiting my other blog.  
http://ningyo-ai.blogspot.com

At 23 years old, I am friendless, home 24/7, and medicated.

I am diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and social anxiety.

I'm still struggling. I have tried to commit suicide twice and I've been sent to a mental ward.

I am here to say that I am not all of these things. These things that happened to me do not define me.

I have a family who supports me, a library to escape to, and 5 dogs who need my attention.

Most importantly, I am here for you. If you're struggling with mental illness or anything at all, I am here to listen.

Thank you for taking your time to read my rambles and things about my life.

If you want, you can leave a comment down below and I will respond.

These are the things that keep me sane.

All I want for Christmas is...

 YOU.

Smile

He says my super power is to smile.

And that I can't let anything control me. 

But how can I do that when they have the power and I can't be?

I try and try. 

But nothing makes me better.

All I want is to feel warm and cozy, like a big comfy sweater.

How do I fight? 

Where do I get this power?

It's darkness is hovering me now; hovering over me like a tower.

Can someone help me find this answer?

The answer to my biggest problem?

Help me get my smile back, help me to rob them.

I need my smile, to let me win.

If you have the answers, write in the comments, and begin.

I spend my life folded between the pages of books.